Completion time: 1:43:25

To my surprise, we had a game request claim from our friend and channel mod falconn00 (60k channel points and you can choose from a non restricted/reserved game for me to play next, or after if it’s claimed before a milestone game). Of course he would go and pick Mark Kate & Ashley Magical Mystery Mall. Something like this, I really had no idea what to expect. That goes for any game I have not played, other than verifying win conditions (specific games only – I know you beat the final boss in an RPG usually, etc). As the first channel point claimed request, it actually wasn’t as bad as it could have been.

Magical Mystery Mall is basically five mini games of sorts, all within a mall setting. The twins purchase some evil jewelry of some sort that they were warned not to connect together. They do it anyway, and basically freeze the world around them. The vendor that sold them the item says that they must get five gems to socket into the thing to break this curse, or they’ll never be able to spend money in a mall again (no, really, that’s the basic gist if it).

These five mini games range from snowboarding (with some of the crappiest controls ever for a snowboarding game/segment), putting on a fashion show, making a dance video, working in the hospitality industry via an implausible fast food joint (with some of the most frustrating controls imaginable), and finally….stalking. Yes, you literally go and stalk two “cute” lifeguards around the area, taking pictures of them and with them. Eventually they give up, listen to why they are being stalked, and then set themselves up to take some more intimate/”closer” pictures. That was god damn creepy stuff, but probably one of the easier to control mini games.

There’s not much substance with any of these games. It’s a matter of completing objectives (sometimes multiple times), with either straightforward controls, or some of the most jank and maddening controls imaginable. It’s nice that there’s at least tangible objectives, but when you realize at the end of the game that you literally just acquired the infinity gems, and Mary Kate & Ashley are basically now the Thanos twins, it kinda freaks you out.

It’s a crap game, but when you compare it to stuff like Blaster Master Blasting Again, Fighting Force 2 and War Gods, Mary Kate & Ashley Magical Mystery Mall is almost like playing Super Mario Bros. 3. It’s a functional game, it’s a piss poor game, but it at least tried to have a narrative and gameplay, and as awful as the controls were in the fast food mini game, it’s still leaps and bounds better than the aforementioned. I get I’m not the targeted audience for this game (I’m not a young teenage girl looking to collect the infinity gems) but I’m not even sure if that segment of the playerbase would even want to play this. Functional game, silly story, creepy as hell stalker mini game. Don’t bother playing it, just watch the VOD and be done with it. And yes, I meant to score it that high.

Rating: 5

Twitch VOD: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/995312529

YouTube video: